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Funny stories from nights out, or out and about!

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Nixoll, May 3, 2011.

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    Nixoll Well-Known Member

    Well you can basically see the name, was one before.

    Ill think you will find some fucking brilliant wee gems of stories in this, people please don't lie, just be honest.

    Ill begin with, was out one night and ended up in a house party. During the house party I was meeting a doll (going with / snogging) (whatever you all call it)

    Well boys i had a kebab before I went to the house party, and im telling you.. talk about a smelly arse... I was farting like a trooper, basically I farted and she was all thats disgusting, then i dropped the big daddy and she ended up walking out of the room... I got myself and 3 mates kicked out of that party, and we all had a guarenteed ride.. Talk about a fucking fail.

    I have far better ones, but this is just to taste the appetites of all my fans @CazuaLL @Tunn.
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    broonicus1 Well-Known Member

    gr8 story, would story again.
    ADAPT, RiDdLeZ, Mohog and 2 others like this.
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    Nixoll Well-Known Member

    great post would tell you to go fuck yourself again.
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    NayNay Hatem Ben Arfa!!

    funny story about farting and getting kicked out of a house? COOL STORY BRO!
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    Nixoll Well-Known Member


    Sorry im not as mad as you guys :(
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    cyni GOAT

    Not really funny, but this isn't one of my finer moments -

    Tanned a half litre of vodka before I had even left my house. Hit up a bar in town and continued the drinking. Even at that stage I was absolutely blitzed. God knows how I got in the club, but I did. Can't remember much of what happened in there, but I do have the distinct memory of taking shots of tequila at the bar - bad idea. Anyway, I exited the club and apparently mumbled some gibberish to my mates before staggering away into the distance. I collapsed in the middle of the road, and a couple of girls dragged me across the ground to the side of the road. I then crawled into a doorway - in the busiest street in Edinburgh - and just fell asleep. Awoke in a pile of vomit, at 8:30 in morning, suits all around me/stepping over me on their way to work. Woke up only because some tramp had felt the need to kick me. Was pretty embarrassing. Conveniently though, my sleeping spot was right at a bus stop, so I picked up my vomit-covered, scattered belongings, and fired onto the next bus, where I was then sick about 5 minutes into the journey. Good times!

    EDIT: This is kinda just my worst drunk story, as opposed to funniest. I'll post some more later.
    RyanSR likes this.
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    CyBeRsHot Well-Known Member

    I would have a great story from a few weeks ago if I could remember any of it, shame.
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    red Well-Known Member

    funny this thead should start today. Last night i saw a fat bird just standing up against a piller in Liquid, smashed out her face not sure whats going on, so i just stood there and started re-inacting the pokemon scene of when you have to play the flute to get the snorlax out the way. My pokeflute was unsuccessful however.
    ADAPT, kurrupt, RiDdLeZ and 3 others like this.
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    Nixoll Well-Known Member

    lol red, lol....
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    Crazy Well-Known Member

    Oh half the bullsh1t what will be posted in here
    BenAllitt likes this.
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    CazuaLL CazuaLLUK - Liam Biggs

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    Nixoll Well-Known Member

    Whats not funny about a big dirty smelly fart, which smokes out not just you, but 3 mates kicked out.

    Hmm had to waffle my tshirt a bit to get that out and away or else would of choked the poor girl.
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    CazuaLL CazuaLLUK - Liam Biggs

    Damn right dirty
    JamessDEM likes this.
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    Ya Boy Pacino Guest

    From this weekend me and a few of my m8s went into town one of my m8s who uses misc but he actually lifts knows all the banter and meme's aswell as me. So all my m8s are sort of down with the lingo. This is similar to Reds but we are walking to another club going through Leicester market we were with some birds i was a myth at this stage completely fucked so i was obviously trying to impress the bitcheeeeeezz.

    The usually chavy slutty fat group of girls from a council estate was walking towards us, for some reason i just jumped infront of them pretending to harpoon them shouting we have a big one here captain. They are obviously took offence to this one walked towards me i was pretending to reel her in didnt work doe, she got me into a head lock lol started calling me a ****. My m8 thought this a genius time to pick a can up from the floor and shout pokeball go an threw it at her head she let go of me so we ran one of the girls we were with fell over and fractured her wrist waited for ambulance the end.

    Also my m8 go into a fight with some ****s from the year below one bombed him i danced around shouting one shot bro one shot police ran over to me and pinned me against the wall bad times.
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    Euphoria Well-Known Member

    There is a pattern I have become to notice in your posts Nixoll after months of hard research. 97.5% of posts regarding nights out/social events include some bird being groped, fondled and/or emotionally traumatized for life.

    OT: Enjoyed Cyni's story, we've all been there.
    ADAPT, kurrupt, TowLy and 2 others like this.
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    Nixoll Well-Known Member

    Cino thats nothing, some girl the other night came up and started literally beating the fuck out of my mate Sam outside Masons. ( our local bar where my group of mates all DJ) She was all roaring at him shouting you think your all that because your a dj and accused him of sleazing with a doll who hes been mates with for like 4 years, he is a sleazy bastard but in this instant she was just sitting on his knee getting a smoke.

    I said to her the next night i seen her and she apologised to me and all for threatening to punch me when i dragged hr off him, and then said she wouldn't be sorry to him because all us boys think we are all that coz we DJ.

    She is a proper wee skip rat too, not going to lie... Looks like tobacca... tobacca my sack
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    Nixoll Well-Known Member

    If you don't watch out your next big boy o)
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    CrooKzY Well-Known Member

    HENNERZ, RiDdLeZ, Granny and 3 others like this.
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    Nixoll Well-Known Member

    How was your last night out crookz?
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    cyni GOAT

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    United Vapez


    Why do you feel the need to tell everybody about your rubbish stories? How was your last post even remotely funny/interesting? Even if I was your IRL mate that wouldn't be a story I would care about so posting it on a forum for likes or w/e is just weird.

    Please just go back to playing with your car.
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    CrooKzY Well-Known Member

    it almost lost me my job, was lulz though

    definitely not interesting enough for this thread, i don't think any of my stories will meet your spectacular standards
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    Falconer Well-Known Member

    Last friday i was considering going out for a night out turns out none of my mates were up for it so we stayed in and smoked a couple of j's just a normal casual night, after falling asleep when i got home around 12ish i wake up at around 4 to go for a piss. my phone rings at that moment and this fat bird asks to see me, for some reason i agree and go outside my house waiting for her cab to arrive we start walking she tells me her bestfriend and her had a arguement and shes upset blah blah blah, she wanted to sit down on the swings we walked past and then i start kissing her :/. she grabs my **** and starts tossing me off. ends up sucking and swallowing 10 seconds after comes the line "think you better call a cab ive got work at 9" considering id been with her for an hour made it 5am so she agreed to call a cab. as this was recent fort id post it if its not funny look at her below

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    Nixoll Well-Known Member

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    Ya Boy Pacino Guest

    Why would that whale even have your number step up your game fool.
    ReaLiZe likes this.